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Obsessed with Child Molestation: It's Not What You're Thinking

Updated: Jul 8, 2023

Now that I have your attention, let me reiterate- it's not what you're thinking.


Unless you deal with OCD and experience the sorts of intrusive thoughts this post is referencing. Then, it may be what you're thinking.


Either way, if you haven't ready my first ever blog post, you should quickly do that right now.



If you decided to not read the other blog post (I don't really blame you...I probably wouldn't either), I'll give you a quick run down before I proceed to explain my thought-provoking title.


If someone has OCD, an obsession is an intrusive, unwanted thought that freaks them out. It is precisely the fact that they are terrified and/or repulsed by the thought that causes them to constantly think about it. Obsessions are not fascinations or interests about which someone has a particular passion, but overwhelmingly scary thoughts/mental images that won't go away because, paradoxically, trying to think our way out of a thought requires that we...think that thought more.


So, a fairly common but uncomfortable passing thought for someone without OCD becomes a debilitating cycle of freaking out and compulsively soothing in ways that, tragically, only increase the frequency of the thoughts and intensity of the fear. The OCD acts like a bully that looks for absolutely anything to get under someone's skin, relying on an anxiety-induced intolerance of uncertainty.


Let's take a hypothetical:


A woman in her twenties, after reading an article about sexual activity among teenagers dropping in recent years, thinks back to some of her earliest sexual experiences with her first boyfriend. She remembers the excitement and how aroused she felt touching and being touched sexually for the first time. She becomes increasingly aroused as she envisions those moments of pleasure until she is suddenly gripped by sheer panic!


I was only 13 when this happened! My boyfriend was also 13! I am thinking about stroking the penis of a 13 year old and getting turned on!


**Now, I'm going to pause here for a moment and emphasize something- this anxiety is absolutely through the roof. The kind of knock-the-wind-out-of-ya, tunnel vision, feel like you're about to die sort of emotion. So intense that the mind absolutely cannot ignore it. It FEELS like these thoughts, and those that will follow, MUST be addressed immediately. The overwhelming nature of the feelings is smoking gun proof (or so it seems) that this problem has to be priority number one until it is resolved.**


Am I a pedophile? I must be a pedophile...I CAN'T be a pedophile! My life would be ruined if I were a pedophile!


But I stroked the penis of a child...I molested a child. And I enjoyed it...I was a child too but I was attracted to a child. Right? And just now...I got turned on thinking about a 13 year old penis.


**The more energy expended trying to figure this out while in the grip of panic, the more meaningful the initial thought and anxiety is going to be perceived.**


But lots of girls- even girls I know- did stuff like that. They aren't pedophiles, are they?


**At this point, she might feel a slight reduction in her anxiety, which will prompt her to continue this line of reasoning. But it won't work forever.**


But I was turned on as an adult by the memory of a 13 year old's penis!


Or was I? Was I really turned on just now by that thought? How turned on was I? Would I be turned on if I thought of a random 13 year old boy? If I saw another 13 year old boy's penis, would I get aroused? Holy crap, why would I think THAT? Do I secretly want to see young boys' penises? I can't test whether or not I am turned on by teenage boys. I have to determine whether or not I'm a pedophile some other way.


**Once again, what would be a passing thought to someone without OCD becomes an endless series of panicky questions without sufficiently satisfying answers to get the anxiety to turn off.**


What this girl might start doing is anxiously checking her mental and physiological reaction any time she is out in public and sees teenage boys. What is likely to happen at some point is that she will feel any number of interesting bodily responses when doing so that will send her mind in to a tailspin. Were those butterflies in her stomach caused by anxiety or sexual attraction? Was the impulsive acknowledgement that the boy in the baseball pants had nice arms proof she was, in fact, a pedophile? Was the cute guy she saw underage or was he 18 or 19?


The internet will give her every possible answer at some point. Comment sections will say she's a creep, a monster, and deserves to be killed. Some articles and posts will present information and ask questions that will open up whole new terrifying possibilities.


Is it possible that her attraction to teenage penises will also translate to attraction to even younger penises? Can a person DEVELOP an attraction to younger and younger people?? Does thinking constantly about sex with minors (even anxiously thinking) increase the likelihood that such an attraction develops? What if she suddenly loses control and impulsively gropes a minor? Or tries to seduce one?


Stories, podcasts, TV, movies, and stand up comedy bits about adult women who have sex with teenage boys will spike her anxiety and send her spiraling.


She'll begin avoiding her teenage brother's baseball games. Then maybe family gatherings and anywhere else she might expect to encounter anyone under the age of 18.


The number of unanswered and unanswerable questions will only grow. The intensity of the anxiety will increase. And her sense that she needs absolute certainty to feel better will become a nearly unshakeable belief.


This will likely continue, with perhaps periodic ebbs, until she both realizes she likely has OCD and finds a therapist she trusts to understand the torment she has been experiencing and how to help her overcome it.


Luckily, OCD is one of the most well understood of all mental health issues with one of the few treatments worthy of the distinction of Gold Standard. With Exposure and Response Prevention, and some cognitive restructuring, we can help change an OCD sufferers relationship to:

  • Thoughts- they aren't inherently meaningful or important

  • Anxiety- it's uncomfortable but not deadly and can reduce without compulsive behaviors

  • Uncertainty- we can never truly be 100% certain of things, and that's okay; we can live rich, rewarding lives in spite of it

Maybe it's because I know how distressing these sorts of obsessions are that I developed a comfort with talking about them. Or maybe I'm just a weirdo. But, if you know someone with OCD who needs help, or if you are that person, feel free to reach out. I would love to work with you to get to a better place.


And, once again, because I don't know what a good wrap-up sounds like when I'm writing it...here's a meme from the late, great Mitch Hedberg, to help us both deal with the awkwardness of me second guessing whether my first conclusion paragraph adequately drew this post to a satisfying conclusion.

















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